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Mathew Inman would high five a vagina if he could, but he can’t? Get your Google hat on and do it. I really want to see people start Googling, “Matthew Inman would high five a vagina if he could” just to see if it really turns into a suggestion. Ha!  Check out this post to know what I am talking about. It’s seriously funny and I think everyone should at least do it once so we can see if this makes it.

In case you don’t know who Matt Inman is, he is a super funny dude at The Oatmeal (google it) and basically he just writes funny comics and little stories. If you still don’t know who Matthew Inman is all we can say is, shame on you!

I broke a sweat taking a dump today. ..that is all.

I bet you are pissed you wasted 20 seconds of your life coming to this site and reading that. Ha!

Holy shit. I went to the casino near my house a couple months ago and inside they had a little deli called 1st Street Deli. Big whoop, right? Fuck you. This deli provided a sandwich handed down from the Gods called the Ruben slider. After [unsuccessfully] trying to recreate this magical meal, I have finally succeeded. The Ruben Slider is now brought to a Kitchen near you.

How do you make a ruben slider?

First, the things you will need (for 4 burgers/ruben sliders):

• Pound or two of ground sirloin beef
• 1/2 – 1lb of sliced thin corned beef
• A bag of your favorite brand of sauerkraut
• 1/2 pound of American cheese, white.
• Your favorite burger buns. I prefer the ones with little white seeds on the top (sesame seeds? not sure).
• Thousand island dressing
• Cooking spray
• Tin foil
• A grill, oven with hot top and a 6 pack of beer

Simple as pie.

1. Start by preheating the grill at 400 degrees and drinking a beer or 6.
2. Then go with a pound or two of hamburger, create some patties.
3. After which you will begin by warming up your sauerkraut.
4. Take a regular size cooking pan and turn the heat to medium-low on for the burner (on the oven). Throw the burgers on the grill and cook them, while doing that you want to flash cook the pieces of  corned beef so they are semi browned on each side.
5. While the burgers are  cooking, throw a slice or two of American cheese on each one to melt. After they are finished, put them on a bun.
6. On top of the burger you need to stack a couple pieces of the corned beef, follow by a spoon or two of sauerkraut and then finish with a healthy slab of thousand island dressing.

Done. There you have it. The most amazing burger you will ever fucking eat. You should have noticed that I did not mention where to use the tin foil or the cooking spray. That’s because you are a fucking drunk and you drank 6 beers within 30 minutes and forgot to put the cooking spray on the pan before you cooked the corned beef. You also forgot to put the tin foil on the top shelf of the grill and toast your buns. Idiot.